Responsibility is frightening because it suggests change. However, taking responsibility for things that are not yours can also keep you stuck. This sort of responsibility prevents change. And change, even when it is absolutely necessary is terrifying.

Taking responsibility only for the things you are ‘suppose’ to be responsible for takes honesty and courage. It requires you to look at the parts of yourself you don’t want to see and being honest about what is actually there.

The Boundaries of Responsibility

Sometimes when you decide to redefine the boundaries of your responsibility both other people and yourself might find it threatening. It is threatening to others because they realise your goodwill will no longer support their own laziness. It can seem threatening to yourself because the definitions of many of your relationships may slowly start to change. You will need to address your need to be needed and possibly many other areas of your personhood. It also requires you to examine all the different parts of yourself. And it will be necessary to honestly see things for what they are.

Irresponsibility

The opposite of responsibility is denial, rationalising, justifying, minimising, avoiding consequences, claiming loss of control and blaming. Many times these options are easier and safer than responsibility. But if you look at the bigger picture and long-term effects responsibility is always the most beneficial option.

What are we really responsible for?

I was raised in a world where I was forced to be responsible for myself and everyone around me. Unfortunately, this has led to a lot of anxiety. Responsibility became a way for me to manage and ‘control’ my chaotic world. I learnt that I could make my environment easier by believing that everything was my fault. Accept that life was unfair meant that there was nothing I could do to ‘fix’ it. I told myself that I was lucky. That other people had it worse than me and, that the hardship and suffering I experienced somehow made me both a better musician and a better person. It gave me depth, empathy and an almost stubborn perseverance. But it also caused a plethora of other problems.

Both Too Much and Not Enough

As I got older I watched more and more people refuse to take responsibility for themselves. I watched as classmates and friends wanted to get good grades but then never took responsivity for their learning. I saw medical professionals fail to take full responsibility for their patients and pastors who would turn a blind eye to all they didn’t want to be responsible for.

As I grew up it almost became like I was trying to compensate for our societies lack responsibility all by myself. If a teacher wouldn’t do their job and teach me I would get a book and teach myself. When something needed doing or someone needed standing up for I would do it myself. If I didn’t do it, nobody else would. So I ended up taking responsibility for everything in my world that wasn’t mine. This led me to a perpetual state of being stressed out and exhausted.

Balance

Perhaps we need a balance between what we are and aren’t responsible for. We place a boundary around our responsibility not because it will in any way damage or harm those around us. But, because without this boundary, we will damage ourselves.

A child who is responsible for their parent/s does it only out of necessity and self-protection. If you fulfil your parents needs it makes your immediate environment safer and a lot more pleasant then it could be. But as the child grows up and becomes an adult there comes a point where they have to let go of their responsibility of their parent’s wealth fare. Doing so might be the hardest thing they will ever do. They believe their parents need them and have grown to found value in being needed. But this responsibility may also be slowly killing them. Their studies suffer, their work, career, physical and mental health, relationships and hobbies all suffer. It comes like a virus feeding off every aspect of their life.

The Teacher Who Takes Too Much Responsibility

The teacher who takes too much responsibility may benefit in the immediate present but it can lead to long-term complications. The immediate benefits can include students achieving good grades, parents being immensely happy and school programs being pushed to admirable heights. But on the flip side,e you find burnout, anxiety, depression and student dependence. It takes more than one music teacher to build a lively and vibrant music program. Pressure from higher-ups will not change this reality. If you take on the responsibility of the entire program without a supportive team you will find yourself fighting a losing battle. It takes teamwork to build a program with each member looking after their assigned area.

As a Teacher

As a teacher, I am responsible for the well being of my students while they are in my care. It is my job to make sure that students work together and do not harm their fellow classmates. It is also my responsibility to engage each student activity in the learning process. To challenge their minds with information that is relevant and inspiring. And to equip them with the skills of critical thinking, problem solving and creativity.

However, it is not the teacher’s responsibility to:

• Make sure the students attend each class
• Force the students to submit their work
• Provide class time for homework to be finished

Sadly, I have been in classes where teachers do all of this. They go and collect their instrumental students from their classroom. Provide classroom time for unfinished homework to be completed activity overseeing the submission of every assignment. Ultimately this is not a nice thing to do. It demonstrates to students that they don’t need to take responsibility for their learning and makes them completely dependent on their teachers. The aim of a healthy classroom should be independent learning. Independent learning is empowering and necessary for anyone looking to pursue higher education.

The Irresponsible Musician

The musician who fails to take responsibility always has a reason why they can’t practice. They rely on other people to motivate them and both their progress or lack thereof is always someone else’s fault. If they find a deep love and passion for music then their music will thrive well the rest of their life slowly falls apart. Children and spouses may feel neglected and unimportant coming second always to music. When finances come second to music the results can be scary. What is more important? Pursuing music 24/7 or having the financial stability to pay for rent, food and support your family? Maybe the worst thing about growing up is having limited time and enough money to pay the bills and support your music.

Responsibility is hard. Here are some helpful resources to help you along the way

• https://www.amynewnostalgia.com/what-am-i-responsible-for/
• Book ‘Boundaries’ by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

If you have any others then please share them with us all in the comments below.