Integrity is honesty. It is also intricately linked, assertiveness, beliefs, flexibility, dishonesty, boundaries and values. Integrity is not something you either do or don’t have but is something you practice. Approaching your musical practice and life with integrity can increase the joy and fulfilment that you experience. It can also help to keep you out of trouble.
Integrity starts with the goal of keeping your words, actions and thoughts in alignment with your values but it requires brutal honesty. If firstly have to be honest with yourself about what your true values are. This might mean you need to separate yourself from your family of origin, social and cultural expectations and workplace values. Do you agree with and resonate with them or are they like an unwelcomed rule that sparks your rebellion. When you constantly feel the need to hide your behaviours it is a sign that you need to examine your value system and possible restructure your life.
If you value honesty but constantly hide things from your significant other then do you really value honesty? If you value honesty but are compelled to say yes even when you secretly want to say no are you being honest? Compliance is safe but it is not necessarily honest. To be honest you have to have the courage to politely assert yourself. It might be as simple as saying ‘I really don’t want to but I can.’ Giving yourself the freedom to express your real desires, needs and preferences can help to protect you from developing feelings of resentment. It is also a practice of integrity.
We all are guilty of falling into the compliance trap. I myself am a recovering chronic people pleaser. But I am slowly learning that a true relationship can only be built off your honest yes and no. Begrudgingly catering to another does not produce legitimate or fulfilling relationships.
This deceptively simplistic yet mountainously challenging approach is not new. We come across it twice in the book of Matthew “Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no” (Matthew 5:37) And again in Mathew 9:13 which is actually a quote of Hosea 6:6 saying ‘go and learn what this means “I desire mercy not sacrifice”‘.
Compliance is modern day sacrifice. We sacrifice our real yes and no on the alters of perceived love and likeability. Ultimately we comply because we are afraid we might lose someone else’s love and acceptance. But real love gives people the room to be honest. If you believe the only reason people like or love you is because you meet their needs and do what they asked you will never actually feel loved. Even if you are not consciously aware of it deep down you know that they are not loving you for you. And it’s not necessarily because they don’t want to. You are using your compliance to buy their “love” and robbing their them of their ability to truly love you.
Another aspect of integrity worth exploring is the idea of ridged and flexible integrity. Flexible integrity almost sounds like an oxymoron but ridged integrity leads to legalism. Within ridged integrity, there is no room for growth and learning. Acquiring New information means that people may quite justifiably change their mind. And subsequently, change their actions. Legalism happens when you strictly adhere to a law, formula, prescription or principle regardless of anything. It is like walking around with blinders on forcing you to fixate only on one certain point. This form of ridged integrity limits your perspective solely to the small picture. But true integrity has to allow room for the natural learning process.
True integrity requires you to balance rigidity with flexibility. As we acquire new information we need to be allowed to change our minds. The key determining factor in permitting ourselves to change our mind is being firmly established in our values. We need to have good and valid reasons to change our mind. Constant mind changing is not conducive to operating from a place of integrity. But a well thought out, premeditated decisions that align with your core values is permissible grounds to change your mind. In fact when this happens, not changing your mind, would be going against your integrity. This is because you would no longer be living out your present day truth. You would instead be trapped in the decisions your passed self-made based off the limited information that was available at the time.
Musical integrity likewise requires a balance between rigidity and flexibility. Before you agree to a project you need to carefully examine how much time and effort it will cost you. Sometimes all the parameters of a project are not known so you make the best decision you can based off what you know. As more information becomes available you have to be able to give yourself room to change your mind. If for example the piece of music ends up being considerably beyond your technical abilities or a concert is going to clash with a family wedding then you need to be able to retract your commitment. But flexible integrity taken too far is flakiness. So it all about finding a balance.
Integrity is an easy word to say but a hard principle to live. It is like a muscle that grows stronger and stronger each time you use it. Every sincere yes and no, along with the follow-up actions gradually strengths your integrity. And one day it will become a habit. It is just one of the many character traits that develop from perseverance. But it starts with an ordinary everyday decision, to be honest.
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