Responsibility

Responsibility is frightening because it suggests change. However, taking responsibility for things that are not yours can also keep you stuck. This sort of responsibility prevents change. And change, even when it is absolutely necessary is terrifying.

Taking responsibility only for the things you are ‘suppose’ to be responsible for takes honesty and courage. It requires you to look at the parts of yourself you don’t want to see and being honest about what is actually there.

The Boundaries of Responsibility

Sometimes when you decide to redefine the boundaries of your responsibility both other people and yourself might find it threatening. It is threatening to others because they realise your goodwill will no longer support their own laziness. It can seem threatening to yourself because the definitions of many of your relationships may slowly start to change. You will need to address your need to be needed and possibly many other areas of your personhood. It also requires you to examine all the different parts of yourself. And it will be necessary to honestly see things for what they are.

Irresponsibility

The opposite of responsibility is denial, rationalising, justifying, minimising, avoiding consequences, claiming loss of control and blaming. Many times these options are easier and safer than responsibility. But if you look at the bigger picture and long-term effects responsibility is always the most beneficial option.

What are we really responsible for?

I was raised in a world where I was forced to be responsible for myself and everyone around me. Unfortunately, this has led to a lot of anxiety. Responsibility became a way for me to manage and ‘control’ my chaotic world. I learnt that I could make my environment easier by believing that everything was my fault. Accept that life was unfair meant that there was nothing I could do to ‘fix’ it. I told myself that I was lucky. That other people had it worse than me and, that the hardship and suffering I experienced somehow made me both a better musician and a better person. It gave me depth, empathy and an almost stubborn perseverance. But it also caused a plethora of other problems.

Both Too Much and Not Enough

As I got older I watched more and more people refuse to take responsibility for themselves. I watched as classmates and friends wanted to get good grades but then never took responsivity for their learning. I saw medical professionals fail to take full responsibility for their patients and pastors who would turn a blind eye to all they didn’t want to be responsible for.

As I grew up it almost became like I was trying to compensate for our societies lack responsibility all by myself. If a teacher wouldn’t do their job and teach me I would get a book and teach myself. When something needed doing or someone needed standing up for I would do it myself. If I didn’t do it, nobody else would. So I ended up taking responsibility for everything in my world that wasn’t mine. This led me to a perpetual state of being stressed out and exhausted.

Balance

Perhaps we need a balance between what we are and aren’t responsible for. We place a boundary around our responsibility not because it will in any way damage or harm those around us. But, because without this boundary, we will damage ourselves.

A child who is responsible for their parent/s does it only out of necessity and self-protection. If you fulfil your parents needs it makes your immediate environment safer and a lot more pleasant then it could be. But as the child grows up and becomes an adult there comes a point where they have to let go of their responsibility of their parent’s wealth fare. Doing so might be the hardest thing they will ever do. They believe their parents need them and have grown to found value in being needed. But this responsibility may also be slowly killing them. Their studies suffer, their work, career, physical and mental health, relationships and hobbies all suffer. It comes like a virus feeding off every aspect of their life.